FREE: Alarm Clock, Reminder Service, Motivator, Ego Check, Bank Account Services, Life Planner and much MUCH MORE!!! (See bottom item)
Alarm Clock: Will wake you up one hour before alarm is set to go off to let you know you have one hour (err..now 59 minutes) left to sleep.
Reminder Service: Will be kind enough to remind you 8 times that the garbage has to go out in the morning, that you haven’t sent a thank-you card to her mother for the Cosby sweater she gave you for your birthday, that her last boyfriend had “more”, that the two of you never get to talk about anything, and lastly that she is doing you a favor by “Keeping on top of you so that something around here gets done!”.
Motivator: It will talk about the last time it wore something sexy to bed before you became an a-hole, that you never had and probably never will amount to anything although you are in school getting your masters and working two jobs to pay for it (although it will ask “Why don’t you just have daddy pay for it?”, as well as many other helpful comments to get you to “be the person you should be”.
Ego Check: When you think you have done a good job on a project, she reminds you that:
A – It shouldn’t have taken soooo long to do
B – Her dog could have done it better
Bank Account Services: Have a bank account? Take to much time to balance your accounts? No need to worry! It will clear out all of that mess and clutter you’ve accumulated in your accounts within months!
Life Planner: Many people have problems finding there way in life. Well, those problems are a thing of the past!!! You’ll never have a question as to what you should do or become on your journey through life. It will always have the answer and will let you know in no uncertain terms what you are to do.
If you are interested in these services, please contact me so that you may come and pick-up my girlfriend……who provides all of these services.
She’s FREE! Well, to pick-up that is. Once you have her, that’s your problem.
Free supply of vodka, Advil and earplugs.
Email to arrange for pick-up or delivery.
Originally Posted: Fri, 30 Nov 12:37 PST