“My precious sock has gone missing and I’m devastated. She was last seen on my foot at 11:53 last night, when I woke up, she was gone. Below is a picture of her twin sister, they’re identical. I’m very worried about my sock and would like her to come home. If you have my sock, I’m willing to pay ransom. I have three old issues of Cosmo with your name on them! Please return my sock to me.”
Funny Craigslist Ads #256 – Deer chasing dog wanted for 30 minutes
I need an energetic, aggressive dog (medium sized or larger is helpful) with good stamina, capable of and motivated to chase deer out of my 3-acre rose gardens, either by scent or a visual.
Previously, the “right dog” takes only 5-10 minutes to get on the scent, locate the deer and chase them around the sunny upper gardens for about 10 seconds and then down the hillside where the deer can jump over the fences and OUT. No previous dog has ever jumped the fence also or been injured in the chase. I do NOT want to keep, buy or own the dog, just RENT it for a simple 30 minutes or potentially much shorter job while the owner waits, preferably, and/or assists, letting dog OFF leash when contact is confirmed or before. Continue reading…
Funny Craigslist Ads #255 – selling psycho ex boyfriends 85′ bronco
This 1985 Bronco XLT is up for grabs for the low low price of $2500! I purchased this glorious vehicle for my deadbeat boyfriend so he would stop borrowing my car (I know, I am an idiot). But hey, I came to my senses and left that socio son-of-a-bitch, and took everything with me. His loss is your gain!
Lovingly named OJ, this piece of shit Bronco was taken superb care of! He’s recently been serviced and had the carburetor rebuilt (not by the dumbass ex, so you know the mechanics are sound). Better ride than my ex-boyfriend that’s for damn sure. The top comes off for your outdoor pleasure! And he’s got a badass lift kit! What kind? How high? How the hell would I know? Come take a look at it, it’s pretty fucking cool.
Funny Craigslist Ad #254: Apple iPad Air First Generation. 128GB. White & Silver with Extras – $500 (mill valley)
Beautiful, nearly new, first generation 128 gigabyte Apple iPad Air in White and Silver for sale with neoprene zippered case and sync cord.
This was given as the first of many expensive and heartfelt gifts over the course of a year to a duplicitous, deceitful, thieving and dishonest lying live-in estrogen-based (dis)pleasure unit who would ultimately admit to never having any intention from the get-go of making the 3.5-year relationship work, but was willing to take a steady stream of travel, vacations, wine and dining gifts totaling over $30,000 with barely a ‘thank you.’