If you’re in the market for the best gag gift imaginable (as Christmas is quickly approaching) you need to buy my deer head. It’s that simple. I have had my fun with it. I’ve used it to scare my family members and now it’s time that it scared the pants off one of yours. For example… does (no pun intended) your family do a white elephant gift exchange where people pawn crap onto each other to celebrate the birth of our Savior? I’m pretty sure that no one would guess what’s in the deer shaped package, especially if you wrapped each of the antlers separately. Everyone would be more than thrilled to have Chuck enter into their family. He’s probably distantly related to Rudolph in some way, but it’s not his red nose that gains him accolades. Rather it is the fact that he has one whole eye, two bomb diggity branched antlers, a hinged mouth for life-like talking/carolling, and that he sheds… but he has a face you just can’t stay mad at.
So maybe your family doesn’t have a funny gift exchange. Maybe your little sister has outgrown her Barbie dolls, but she still wants a toy whose hair she can brush. Chuck loves having his facial hair combed! And how!
Or this! Want to teach your kids responsibility but not ready for a real pet? Have them brush Chuck’s teeth every night before they go to bed. That’ll learn ’em. Not to ask for any more pets.
Did you just buy a boat? Topless mermaids strapped to the front of the watercraft are so 1600s. Superglue/staple Chuck onto the front of your bad boy and you’ll be gellin’ like Magellan in practically no time (note: it will take some time to mount him up, this is an exaggeration). What?! Plus you could name it something awesome like “Land Doe,” “The Buck Stops Here,” or “Creepy Deer Boat”. You get the idea.
But that’s not all. A prop in a school play, a Halloween mask, a candelabra, a place to hang your clothes that won’t fit in the closet. Or perhaps you live alone and you want to feel like you are seated to dinner with a guest. Prop him up on your kitchen chairs and let him go to town. He loves a home cooked meal as much as anyone. In addition, Chuck too also makes a good friend as well also. Wanna drive in the carpool lanes to work? Chuck loves sitting shotgun. Plus, no one will want to rob your car. You could practically set your iPod out on the dashboard with the doors unlocked and hoodlums would still want nothing to do with you. With a little bit of time and some know-how, Chuck will make the perfect shampoo dispenser. Got a farm? I’ve never seen a scarecrow with a deer-head for a head. Yet. Can’t afford that diamond ring your girlfriend asked for? Bronze Chuck and she’ll forget she ever asked. These are just a few of the virtually endless possibilities. You could also mount it on the wall like “normal” people.
I believe in my heart of hearts that all animals were put on this Earf’ for a purpose. Mostly to be eaten. But not Chuck. That’s what makes him special. Be a part of Chucks destiny. He gave his life tragically to enhance yours. For just 80 bucks my problem becomes yours. OBO (preferably more… if there are too many people who want it, we’ll sell it auction style- that way it’s fair.) Contact me quick, I imagine a huge volume of people will be interested. But as this is a happy day in my life, when Chuck will go on to accomplish great things with another family, I hope we can stay in touch. I’d love to hear how he’s doing and just be able to check on him once in a while to make sure he’s behavin’ hisself. Cheers to deers, son!
Seriously, contact me about this deer head. I want it out of my gazebo.
Date: 2009-08-24, 11:30PM EDT