Do you want your future husband to cheat on you too? Then buy this dress. This piece of crap did me no good. I got it fitted, sized, all in anticipation of a long and happy life together with my deadbeat fiance’. Where did it get me? “Oh, sorry honey, I’m gonna move 18 hours away because I can’t find a job in Michigan.” “Are you sure you wanna do that? What will your son and I do?” “Don’t worry, I’ll look for a job in Michigan while I’m out there.”
Cut to:
3 years later. Christmas 2009. “Guess who bought me this bottle of cologne? My girlfriend of the past 2 years. But I’m only gonna tell you I dated her for 8 months because I’m a f***ing liar and I can’t tell the truth to save my life. I never loved her. I only loved you.” Well, I found this chick’s number and called her. Funny how he told her the same thing. After talking to me, now she hates him too. I rule! Oh, by the way, they had already broken up anyway, so he’s single again ladies. Takers? No?
All this dress got me was a big fat debt to a lawyer. It has a few stains on it- oh screw it, it probably has a bunch and I don’t give a rat’s ass. Just like the stains he left on my heart. It’s probably about a size 12 or 14. If you want more precise measurements, I’ll gladly do that. Anything to get this memory the hell out of my house.
Date Posted: 1-24-2010
