We were hitting it off at first and even shared a New Years kiss. You were pretty hot and had a sexy accent. I would have gone home with you (hey, it’s new years!) had you not turned out to be such an obnoxious creep. I don’t know how it works in Ireland, but here are a few tips for us in Canada.
1. The way to a girls heart is not to ask her if she is a lesbian simply because she doesn’t enjoy your stumbly smelly drunk friend trying to grind with her when she is completely sober and there is no one else dancing.
2. The way to a girls heart is not to point out your hard-on to her every five seconds. Yes, I know it’s there and yes it’s mildly flattering. But we don’t need to keep talking about it. Maybe you could have offered to buy me a drink or tell me I was pretty.
3. The way to a get a girl to come home with you is not to angrily storm into coat check, pushing over the rack of coats, cutting in front of a huge line of people and loudly demanding “THIS CHICKS COAT RIGHT NOW PLEASE BECAUSE WE HAVE SOMETHING TO TAKE CARE OF KNOW WHAT I MEAN OI?”
4. And…when I was taking care of my friend who was puking….it was so nice to have you there beside us in the alley, staring at us and asking me if “she was done yet” when I clearly already told you that you had blown your chances and that I was going to stay with my friend. Thanks for coming back multiple times and staring at us from around the corner when you thought we weren’t looking. That’s class right there.
5. Coming up to me later and yelling “IM GONNA FUCK YOUR FACE” was also much appreciated, the cherry on top of an otherwise excellent night!!!!11
The sad thing is the jerk who this is meant for probably won’t see this ad and will continue sexually harrassing women during his stay in our country, but maybe someone else could use the pointers.
Regardless, I had a pretty good time on NYE. It was nice to go out and spend it in the company of my best friend even though she was sick. You know who you are, love you!