Posts tagged "Shopping"

Funny Craigslist Ad #69: Christmas is Tight This Year

My dear friends,

Somewhat embarrassing to admit, but Christmas is tight this year.

I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You’ll most likely agree that it’s a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I’ve included the instructions below. How to make bedroom slippers:

You need four maxi pads to make a pair.
Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.

Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.

I’ve attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself….

Awaiting your response. It’s crucial that I get the right size for each one of you. So please hurry I need to start them as soon as possible.

Date: 2008-12-19, 6:24PM PST

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/964529724.html

Funny Craigslist Ad #62: Free couch, if you can bend time and/or space

I have a free couch for anyone who can get it back out of my room.
It’s a comfy couch, cool stripe velvet in great shape, impossibly uncomfortable sleeper, but otherwise easily worth $50-75 bucks in Craigslist land.

So why am I listing in for free? Because I am pretty sure it is physically impossible to remove this thing from my second story bedroom down the narrow hallway, down the narrower staircase and out the front door of my little Victorian duplex. How did we get it up here in the first place? Magic… well, it did involve taking several doors off the hinges, 4 people, and about 3 1/2 hours of cursing the gods. However, I don’t feel like doing it all again, and I’m not about to have a stranger (no offense) taking apart my house for a deal on a sofa.

So, if you can bend space and miraculously make this thing fit, such powers shall be awarded with a free couch. Likewise, if you can alter time and go back to when we first bought the monstrosity and prevent us from attempting to bring it upstairs in the first place, you shall also have the honor of owning this couch bestowed on you.

Or if you lack these powers and still really want it, you can have it… in pieces, BYOS (bring your own saw)

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/1188385012.html

Date: 2009-05-25, 3:56PM MDT

Funny Craigslist Ad # 21: Decapitated dolls

My daughter likes to pull the heads off of dolls. The therapist says we should let her, so we do. We have lots of headless dolls. Some of their heads my be retreivable; most probably not.

Free to a good home.

Date: 2008-06-04, 10:54AM EDT

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/707239142.html

Funny Craigslist Ad # 17: WANTED: Husband – w4m

After too many trips to Home Depot and Lowe’s it has become apparent to me that I need a husband. I am currently accepting applications.

Suitable candidates should be able to demonstrate proof of the following:

- ability to fix stuff around the house, car repair a major plus
- can lift heavy objects without complaining
- can offer an opinion on home decorations (but not too vociferously should they differ from my own)
- ability to get lid off tough jars/cans of paint/other packaging
- ability to carry stuff for me where necessary
- high boredom threshold re. multiple trips to Lowe’s and Home Depot
- high performing “man parts”

Ability to carry out minor plumbing and electrical projects, hold a conversation on a variety of topics, some level of social skills, emotional maturity, creativity, interest in culture/politics etc and financial solvency are a plus but not essential. Well, on that last point… I do want a boob job and can’t really afford one.

Bonus points for: ownership of power tools (and knowledge of how to use them) and suitable transport for necessary purchases.

What you will get is a wife who fits the following description:
- brown hair and eyes, average height, curvy figure
- no kids, no drama
- relatively intelligent/interesting/attractive
- considered to have a somewhat dry sense of humor
- raised in the south and has good southern manners
- can take me to meet your mom/boss/friends without embarrassment
- loves sex and will put you to the test to keep up with her

Please send applications including full relationship history, previous ‘fixing stuff’ experience, salary details, your social security number, your mother’s maiden name, full medical history, five references, your inside leg measurement and shoe size to the CL email address above.

Preliminary interviews will be held in the coming weeks and may include a practical exercise.

Previous applicants need not apply.

Date: 2009-01-26, 11:55AM EST

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ind/1008266674.html