Funny Craigslist Ad #106: Wanted Lovinf Rich Grandparent
Are your career-minded grown up children holding out on you in the grandkids department? Or maybe you’re disappointed in little Timmy’s grades? Want someone to be proud off? Then we’ve got the solution for you – our super gifted daughter!
Our 9 year old daughter has been accepted into a private school for highly-gifted children but we just can’t afford the tuition fees and neither can our family. Our only choice is too seek a ‘new’ family member that can help; so we are looking for a rich grandparent to “adopt†our daughter and help her get the education she deserves.
A bit about your new granddaughter: She is a curious and intelligent girl with a passion for learning. A keen reader who can plough through many books in an afternoon. She is a big fan of Greek mythology and dinosaurs and could talk to you about these topics endlessly.
Admittedly she’s no starving African child but the traditional school system has left her isolated and unable to reach her true potential. This new school is really great. Seriously, it’s like the one from X-Men! Not that she can move furniture with her mind or anything (yet!).
This place will challenge her mentally, support her emotionally and integrate her socially with children just like her. It’s exactly what she needs and we hope to give her this opportunity. Or rather: we hope YOU’LL give her this opportunity.
We need $23,500 just to pay the tuition fees for 2010 to 2011 academic year. Plus other costs for uniforms, school trips etc. Our daughter is rich in heart and mind but poor in wallet. We seek a “grandparent†rich in all three.
By becoming a “grandparent” you will get the following:
• Photo of you with your new granddaughter
• Handmade birthday & Christmas present
• Copy of school reports
• Trip to the library where she will ignore you to read her favorite books.
• Invite to her birthday party
• Join us on the school run one day and ask her about her day at school.
• Family picnic
• Supervised visit (provided you live in Los Angeles)
• Drawing by granddaughter
• 4 family outings to free museums in LA
• Disneyland outing – but no scary rides
• Parent’s evening updates
• Birthday party invite
• Attend a school run trip
• 4 supervised visits (Los Angeles only)
• Greek mythology lesson
• Family hike
• School events invite
• Baked vegan goods by mom
• Manly choirs by dad like mow your lawn (but not in hayfever season)
• Monthly lunch at our apartment
• See and feed our daughter’s pet lizard.
Get more info on this, or how to become and “auntie” or “uncle” instead here: http://www.indiegogo.com/Wanted-Loving-Rich-Grandparent
Note from the user who submitted this ad: Funny ad asking for a rich grandparent.
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/com/1809936902.html
Funny Craigslist Ad #105: Transport driver needed
Looking for clean cut transport driver (ie. no facial hair, no visible tattoos, no piercings). Driver will wear presentable suit in every transport. Driving record must be clean. No Points. Long hours, 12-24 hour shifts plus holidays. Driver must be able to lift 150pds plus. Must pass background check. Communication skills is vital including good grammar, bilingual is a plus. Piece work( pay per transport), no hourly pay, take home van. Starting pay is $18 per body in Orange County and Los Angeles, some transports outside of LA & OC pay more. Driver will pick up deceased from convelscent homes, residential and hospitals to then transport to mortuary. No experience necessary, no experience a plus, will train. Please contact via phone 714-901-7399 Ask for Jay. PLEASE LIVE IN NORTH ORANGE COUNTY.
Funny Craigslist Ad #104: I won’t be sharing the road with you again
I know that you were outrageously pissed at me today when I cut you off at the off ramp in Rancho Cucamonga. I was feeling confident listening to “Forgot About Dre†when I glanced in my mirror and I made the determination that I had plenty of space to merge over to the left lane. It was a costly mistake, as I assume you had to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident (thank you, btw). You weren’t shy about expressing your emotions about my minor mistake. You switched lanes and pulled up next to me to flip me off and scream at me through your (rolled-up) window. Even when I turned down my radio, I couldn’t hear what you were saying – probably cursing I would assume. In the future, if someone does that to you, roll down the window and really let them have it.
In an ironic turn of events, I was on my way to take my driving exam, (because a friend said it was easier in Rancho Cucamonga). Well if you see this- you win. I am a bad driver….I didn’t get my driver’s license. I just thought you should know that I won’t be sharing the road with you again for quite some time. Good day to you sir.
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/com/1811403793.html
Funny Craigslist Ad #103: Nihilophiliac Cuddlebunny – $6666 (Akron, OH)
Keep Killian Skarr out of jail sale! Price reduced to $6,666 on this unique piece of functional art. This is the same sculpture that was featured at this years “Dirty show 11″ and in the upcoming issue of “Secret magazine”. And as a special dispensation to New York buyers, Killian Skarr will hand deliver the Nihilophiliac Cuddlebunny at no additional cost. Call 440-666-07XX with any questions or to commission your own primitive torture device.
1.) “The Devils Sling”â€*
2.) “Friendly Mr. Skarrington”â€*
3.) “Angry Professor Scythian”â€â€*
4.) “Nihilophiliac Cuddle-bunny”â€â€
5.) “Slut Machine: I”â€
• This authentic replication of a -Primitive Torture Device- dates originally from circa 666 B.C.E, and was used by the invading hordes of Scythians to disembowel and rape, in that order, the opposing tribes’ women,
• it went by various names in the Middle Ages including (see above),
• was owned for a time by the Royal Academy of Natural Philosophy until 1666 when it was confiscated in the name of the Inquisition for use upon pain of death as Thomas Hobbes’sentence for the charge of blasphemy after the publication of Leviathan,
• it was rediscovered during the excavation of the C.E.R.N. Large Hadron Collider Site in Switzerland,
• and is fully functional for a capacity of no more than 160 lbs.
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/atq/1834914012.html