Funny Craigslist Ad #110: I want to be your slave
I want to be a real work slave for someone and I am 100% serious, honest, and real. What I’m basically looking for is a guy who wants me to do all of his chores (cleaning, dishes, laundry, yard work, clean car, etc) while you relax AND I will pay you cash for your time. I am not kidding and I am mentally sane, and not weird or psycho. Ever since I learned about slavery in school I wanted to be one…I decided it was time to act on it. I just really like the idea of being submissive to someone and making their life easier. I don’t expect or want any help….and, yes, I will pay you in cash by the hour.
I want nothing sexual from this arrangement AT ALL. So if you reply, I’d prefer that you’re straight (so that there is no possibility for anything weird or sexual).
Send me an email if you’re interested and we can talk more….
http://cleveland.craigslist.org/cas/1787780463.html,
Funny Craigslist Ad #109: Looking for a Carl Spackler
Looking for a Carl Spackler to rip up a small square of 20×40 SOD, kill a golfer, and remove the debris. Please email hourly rate or total wanted for the job.
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/lbg/1788638175.html
Note from the user who submitted this ad: uh, I think he wants to kill a GOPHER, not a GOLFER but hey – it’s CL – who knows?!!!
Funny Craigslist Ad #108: Seeking a professional driver
I am seeking a professional driver who would be able to get me out of any “tight” situations that I may encounter.
Because of the nature of my business I have many enemies.
-Must be armed, preferably with fully automatic weapons
-Must be able to speak multiple languages, English and Russian are a must.
-Must be bald and be able to kick ass, preferably a black belt.
-Special Forces training and combat experience also desired.
Preferablly homosexual, or atleast bi and looking for a little more than just a job. But remember, I’m in charge, and you’ll take it that like the bitch you are.
I want a man that is rough and tough and can save the day, but later on in the day lay in bed and cuddle with me and be compasionate.
Funny Craigslist Ad #107: Need artificial insemination?
Over the last 3 years, I have offered to help women get pregnant, exclusively through artificial insemination, and many have successfully had children, using my sperm. I offer this at no cost, including an artificial insemination kit, simply because I find it to be one of the most profoundly meaningful uses of my time.
I am 5′ 10″, Caucasian, with black hair and brown eyes, in good shape, and disease-free. My main genetic advantages are my extremely high IQ and that living past 90 seems to run in my family. Additionally, conceiving with the sperm of a male in his early twenties significantly decreases the chances of miscarriages, premature births, autism, schizophrenia, and even the likelihood of a grown daughter to get breast cancer and a grown son to get prostate cancer (Google “paternal age effect”).
It really makes me happy to help people in such a meaningful way, so please don’t hesitate to contact me with any questions, or if you would like to meet.