Archive for October, 2009

Funny Craigslist Ad #70: Old Wheelchair – Great for transporting drunk roommates

Attention college kids – ever need to bring your drunk roommate home or simply want to mess with him by relocating him to another part of the dorm/frat house/apartment complex/campus so he doesn’t know where he is when he wakes up? And have you ever had a hard time doing so because he’s just a bunch of dead weight, or you don’t want to get vomited upon? HERES THE SOLUTION.

This is a cheap, old, crappy wheelchair. Its not horribly comfortable to sit in, but would make a good drunk transport. Its so inexpensive, in fact, that when you graduate, you can just leave it behind for those who follow after you!

other uses for this wheelchair?

* play hallway bowling
* move other heavy things besides your drunken roommates
* improve your balance by only using the ‘big wheels’
* invent ‘extreme wheelchairing’
* garbage bag tearing? just use the wheelchair!
* pretend you got hit by a car and try to get ‘sympathy sex’
* stand on it to change all of the lightbulbs in the hallway without stepping down
* practice being old
These and a variety of other wonderful uses await you for just ten little dollars!!! Email today!

(i am not responsible for any injuries you may sustain or inflict by either jackassing around on this wheelchair or by its misuse, including, but not limited to: transporting drunk roommates, inventing ‘extreme wheelchairing’, standing on it for any reason, and/or practicing your balance.)

Funny Craigslist Ad #69: Christmas is Tight This Year

My dear friends,

Somewhat embarrassing to admit, but Christmas is tight this year.

I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You’ll most likely agree that it’s a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I’ve included the instructions below. How to make bedroom slippers:

You need four maxi pads to make a pair.
Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.

Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.

I’ve attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself….

Awaiting your response. It’s crucial that I get the right size for each one of you. So please hurry I need to start them as soon as possible.

Date: 2008-12-19, 6:24PM PST

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/964529724.html

Funny Craigslist Ad #68: Free 1998 BMW M3

Should buff out however if you aren’t the buffing type, probably best to bring a flatbed.

Funny Craigslist Ad #67: How 2 Ikea trestles will fill your life with excitement

Trestles: Boring wooden A-frame support structures, right? WRONG! More like support structures for exciting people!!!

Most people think trestles are only good for a table or desk. Well guess what? MOST PEOPLE ARE WRONG!!!

1. Imagine Shawn Johnson’s chagrin when you bring home gold at the 2012 Olympics – simply from practicing the parallel bars on two trestles!!!

2. Or think about the awesome forts you (or your kids) will make. Teatime with Big Bear and the gang will never be the same!!!

3. Did someone say strength training? Get rock solid abs in 30 days with the 2-trestle Xtreme Workout!!!

4. Company coming over for the weekend? Give them a very uncomfortable and potentially dangerous sleeping arrangement: two trestles and a mattress!!! (I don’t actually recommend doing this.)

TRUE STORY: These trestles supported my desk when I went to school. I graduated with honours. Coincidence? I DON’T THINK SO!!!

Slap boredom in the face with a pair of trestles and make your life exciting!!! $50 for 2!!!

YOU: “Wait a minute, doesn’t Ikea sell them for $30 each? That would be $65.40 (tax incl.) for 2. That’s not much of a deal.”
ME: “Sure, but now you don’t have to go to Ikea!!! You can even take them home on the bus!!! And you just read a really entertaining advertisement!!! Or make me a better offer!!!”

Date: 2009-04-25, 6:11PM PDT

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/1140298129.html