Archive for September, 2009

Funny Craigslist Ad # 57: Personal Texting Assistant

replies
deleting texts
alerting of new texts
reading texts
filtering text

I get 40 – 50 texts an hour, I cant handle my workload plus texting responsibilities. My phone gets too full and needs deleted every couple hours. This is a full time position and you must be where ever I am at, because my phone is always with me. Serious inquiries only.

• Location: Baltimore
• Compensation: 10.00 hr

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bal/1236773288.html

Date: 2009-06-23, 11:39PM EDT

Funny Craigslist Ad # 56: WhaleMobile *UNIQUE*

This one of a kind “WhaleMobile” is for sale. It needs new tires, but otherwise starts right up and runs fine. Not street legal, but still fun to drive, good for birthday parties and events. A lever inside the cockpit controls the whale tail, and allows some up and down motion. Water pump inside cockpit still works, and will build up pressure to be released through blowhole up top. It has working headlights.

This was a project my grandfather worked on when I was a kid, and it used to terrify me, as I have an inexplicable fear of these evil creatures. I am hoping to sell it by the end of the month, as I owe child support and don’t have the cash to cover it at the moment. This was built off of the frame of an otherwise perfect 1986 Yugo Cabrio. The vehicle itself has 38,000 miles on it, but it was badly damaged in a hailstorm and the bodywork was completely demolished. My grandfather got the idea of turning it into a WhaleMobile off of some cartoon, and he took his crazy idea and ran with it.

Serious inquiries only, but all are welcome to come and see the WhaleMobile in action. Please leave the harpoons at home.

Call me directly at 502.448.1137 for more details, leave a message if I don’t answer.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lou/1270822318.html

Date: 2009-07-15, 7:22AM EDT

Funny Craigslist Ad # 55: Dear Sir or Madam who stole my bicycle wheel

Dear Sir or Madam who stole my bicycle wheel,
I have a proposal.

For several days after you stole my 26-rear wheel from my mountain bike, you caused me a dilemma. All I could think of were two options.
1) Buy a new rear wheel – This hardly seemed worthwhile because my bike only cost $25 from Goodwill when I got it and a new back wheel/tire will cost two to three times that much.
2) Buy a used wheel from the Ashby Flea market – We all know this is where stolen wheels go to find new homes. (In fact, I have searched here for my wheel to no avail.) While this option is cheap ($10), it would feel like I am benefiting from someone else’s misfortune. (Probably because I would be benefiting from someone else’s misfortune).

But then I had a brilliant idea.

Rather than buying a new wheel or a used wheel stolen from someone else, why don’t you sell me back my own wheel. I can pay you the $10 you would have made and then I can save the time and stress of finding a new wheel. If it makes a difference, I could even pay you in alcohol or whatever drug habit you were trying to feed.

We can even meet on the same corner where you took my wheel and make it feel all natural. You can walk by and say, “Hey buddy, I notice that your bike seems to be missing a rear wheel. Well, it just so happens I have an extra rear wheel right here with me. Would you like it?” And I can say, “You’re right, kind sir. I am missing a rear wheel. That is very nice of you. It just so happens that I have $10 worth of alcohol, that I was going to use drown my sorrow about not having a bicycle wheel. But now that I have a bicycle wheel, I don’t need it. Why don’t you take it.” And then we can both feel good about ourselves.

Please let me know if this works for you.

Sincerely
Josh

UPDATE – Thanks for all the nice emails. And especially thanks to Jess who dropped off a replacement rear wheel!!!!!

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/1281876918.html

Date: 2009-07-21, 2:25PM PDT

Funny Craigslist Ad # 54: i need help moving my chickens

I have approximately 1,243 chickens that need to be transported, i began my journey with my mini van but just was not working out, too many trips and too much shit and feathers, and with no ac it makes it very difficult when constantly tempted to roll the windows down, and because doing it all by hand i have lost 1 out of 4 chickens with my first 3 trips. if you have reasonable transportation for this chicken operation plz let me know. thank you.

-Matt

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/1290743016.html

Date: 2009-07-26, 11:04PM CDT